


Hot Gates

by Mazabrei (Dieupardonne)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Ambiguous Phan, Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Songfic, suicidal!dan, you can pick if they're together or not idc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 15:44:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9555713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dieupardonne/pseuds/Mazabrei
Summary: Phil's thoughts towards a suicidal Dan.Based onHot Gates by Mumford and Sons.





	

Oh, Dan.  
I love you, but this is not okay.  
I love you, _and_ this is not okay.

You’ve fallen apart. And instead of picking up the pieces, you’re staying broken. You think, it’s too much effort to try, to persevere, and it probably won’t work anyway; so why try? You’re staying broken, and even breaking yourself further.

I saw the blood in the grout of the bathroom tiles.

No, don’t you dare look away from me.

I know that sometimes it seems perfect. There’s an easy way out. Everything would be fixed if you were gone, right? It’s all too much, so you leave. A perfect solution.

Don’t you see that it won’t fix anything? The world would be worse off without you. I think that, somewhere, you know that. You don’t want to cause pain.

But the idea of death is beautiful to you. So beautiful that you resent life. You have a disdain for life, for everything, even for me. I see it in your face and I hear it in your words. I see the cold, hateful looks you throw at me. I hear the way you hiss nastily at me, how you spit vitriol. You feel guilty about it, and you swear you won’t do it anymore. But when your spirit breaks, you resent anything with life. You resent me.

Don’t shake your head. I know it’s true.

You resent me because I live life, but you love me because I live life. I brighten you and we both know it. So far, that has been enough.

But it won’t be enough forever. I can’t be all you live for. I can’t be your everything. Don’t you understand that? I can bring sunshine into your life, but I can’t be your sun. It won’t be enough. You have to live for you, not for me.

That doesn’t mean I won’t love you. I’ll always love you, constantly. Really, there’s precious little else in my life that means as much as you, as loving you.

Dan, you have to keep going. It’s how the world works: though we cry, we must stay alive. There’s nothing else we can do.

I know you’re tired, but you need to keep running. I will run next to you and help you when you stumble. I will be your sunshine, your partner, and your friend.

And you will put the pieces back together.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I'm pretty new to the Phandom. Sorry if anything's OOC or breaks conventions.  
> 2\. [This video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz-od_OHdBw) is a good quality of the song but has incorrect lyrics. [Here](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mumfordsons/hotgates.html) are the correct lyrics. I do reference lyrics that are different between the two.  
> 3\. This is the first creative writing I've done in over two years, so idc if it's crap, I'm proud of it.


End file.
